Knowing when to get out of a relationship is key to ones survival from that lovely relationship you thought you were in. Not that I will not spend the next few days in mourning, which I will, but I am reminded of all the reasons not to discount what a prospective partner reveals to you. And I am reminded that people usually tell you the truth about themselves early on in a relationship. So, when they tell you something which lets you in on their core values you should listen to what is being said and take it at face value. I can promise doing this one thing will put you ahead of the game of love. Or, at the least you will be less drawn into a situation from which it would be most difficult to remove yourself. Listen! Listen to what is being said and save yourself months, even years of deceit and deception. So, when Steve told me he liked trim and fit eighteen year olds and that he was “Shallow Hal”, even though he detested this about himself, I took it at face value. Steve will turn sixty-five in a meer three months and for a man of his age to admit this is a huge deal breaker! All the workouts at the gym that would whip my plus size into shape would fall short. In other words, it really wouldn’t matter if I remained a size sixteen or I sized down to a size two because I’ll never be eighteen again! The fact that I have not been hit over the head with the ‘ugly stick’ as one might put it and that even at my age and size I still can turn heads doesn’t reduce the sting of Steve’s revelation. It hurts to think that the man to whom I wanted to spend the remaining years with is so shallow, even cold. But, I paid attention and I know my survival requires a plan of action on my part. I believe in being honest and taking responsibility for my well-being physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I believe in being what Steven R. Covey calls “Pro Active”. I will not falter on this. My heart is breaking from this disappointment and I surely hope that he does not let the azaleas die that I bought for the yard but I can not be anything but the independent woman I have grown to be and remove myself from this situation. And, I need to remind myself that even if he would walk through the door, tell me he made an unthinkable mistake, take all his words back I would not stay for I am smart enough to realize that in time last nights scene would be repeated and he’d take back the taking back and we would be at square one again. I am not willing to endure such a thing. I love Steve, he has my whole heart but I love myself more and I deserve more than living with such shallowness and lack of commitment. There are things I do not particularly love about Steve, but I always felt that he came as a package, and even if some of the package isn’t all that loveable it makes up the whole and I have to be accepting of all the parts to the whole. I’ve always believed when you commit to another person you realize they are not perfect and you make allowances for the things that aren’t perfect (for you) about them. In other words: You cut the guy some slack! And, he should do the same for you. Apparently this is not a belief held dear by Steve so there is no even exchange of acceptance. And even though I am downing my size it still would not matter in the long run. I realize this because I am smart and wise enough to have lived through other relationships that were similar. How I longed for a relationship with this man who is actually so wonderful on so many other accounts. But, it appears to be faulty and not filled with kindness, respect and acceptance for the other as I had hoped it would be.
But, I am strong enough to deal with this reality and to move on. Exactly what life awaits me is a toss-up at this point. I need some time to regroup, to cry, to mourn the passing of something I wanted more than life itself. Time to plan and put into action the things I need to do. Time to think with my head and not my heart. Time to be wise and sensible, and even emotionless to avoid any pitfalls. I don’t mind a few bumps in the road but those pitfalls can really get you and I’d rather avoid them at all costs!