I have things to do so I am staying in California to do them. Not letting one sour ass man push me around just because he is commitment phobic. In another two to three years I could have this done in North Carolina, or even Ohio but if I stay put here, in California, in another three or four months I can have it all done. I’d rather ‘suck it up’ for that short amount of time, stay here in this land of late afternoon breezes off the bay and finish what I have begun. I need to see it through. I need to succeed. The thing I am speaking of is my getting to a place of financial solvency, allowing me to travel and live the life I’ve mapped out for myself. So, I’m hanging tough! I hope all three of you girls understand.
If you have any questions talk to your brother Kevin. His common sense made sense of all this mess I’ve landed myself in. He thinks I should stay and have a life. His feelings are that “there is nothing for me in North Carolina”…of course, he is wrong, there is and I will return to it but not now, later after I am independent (in all ways) and healthy (emotionally and physically).
The thing is: Steve is not the enemy here. He’s just a man. He is not at fault. No one is, actually so why should I pack my bags, head home to where I’d struggle so many more months? I am stronger than you might think. Of all the struggles in my life this one is at the top of the list but perhaps that is only because I’m currently living through it which makes it more than less an issue. I think you have to pick your battles and make the best out of things. I think you need to act with your head and not your heart. I think I am doing the right thing and as difficult as this may be I am sure I can endure it.
Remember, also, I am working many many hours. I have a gym membership to go to every evening. I have friends to visit on my days off from work. I have your Aunt Ruth, whom I adore to pieces and want to spend time with her as often as I can. I have JoAnne and her daughter Sherry to see, Jude, Sandy and Kathy to visit and spend time with. And, I’ve connected with two ‘kids’ I went to grade school with, Maria and Andrew. I have my writing and my photography (well, the photography is limited, drastically, isn’t it, with one small digital camera, but it takes excellent pictures!) and I have a couple in San Francisco who want to critique/edit/publish (in that order) my writing. And then, there is Jeff Brosbe who wants more manuscript on what he calls “an important work” that I am writing. He’s off and about all over the world but takes the time to read for me. He lives in Southern California, a long way from North Carolina so even this is better if I stay put for the time being.
I don’t want you to worry about me. I am fine. I repeat: I am fine. I simply have things to do and I need to do them here, for now. I love you all so very much, you and my darling grandchildren are in my heart and part of me in a way that is indescribable. I am so blessed to have three incredibly talented and charming girls. I don’t know what happened in route to adulthood but you all turned out amazing in spite of you mother’s efforts to make you into good LDS ladies. Thank God you never listened to me! Thank God you became wonderfully independent and capable women. And, thank God you have the good sense to keep me as you mother ;) (lol) After all, girls, the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree, does it? Remember to be funny at least once each day, to laugh you fanny off over something weird or amusing, to smile more often than not and to love with your whole heart the things that are important to you.
Right now I’m loving my writing, a whole lot :) …. this works for me at times like these. My solace and my inspiration rolled into one keyboard stroke at a time.
I love you all.