Perplexed: (adj): puzzled, confused, bewildered

perplexed: (adjective):to be puzzled and filled with confusion or bewilderment; a perplexed state of mind; as in ‘this is too complicated!” all words apply!

I am confused and puzzled and I’m having doubts. I want all my ‘relationships’ with the pen and paper to be good, as good as everything good and dear in my life has been. On some levels writing makes me feel all wonderful inside and on other levels it can confuse me because sometimes the act of writing can be complicated. I strive for perfection but wind up with ordinary black letters on white pages. Is there no perfect font out there? Why won’t that perfect word come to me, easily? A thought crosses and leaves my mind lost, totally gone. Am I an idiot to write words that few, if any, will read? I don’t feel like an idiot but should I be, then I shall be the best idiot on the planet!

Another perplexing thing is my best friend Steve : I’m not the enemy here Steve I’m just a woman who is your friend and a woman who loves you as you are, including all your bloody wort’s. Get over yourself! Hugs when you leave on a trip should be given! You should let your hair down and learn to hug. There, now, I feel better. One other thing:  A relationship should be easy. Steve is making it too complicated! (okay, now I’m finished! with this thought and moving on to another thought)

Another thought: This week I will visit my friend Kathy and her husband Larry who consider me family. I like being family. It’s all warm and fuzzy, hugie and sweet. I’m a huger! I’ll hug anything (and anyone) if given the chance. I hugged Brian yesterday and it felt good but he doesn’t know how to give a good hug yet. He’ll learn! He is an amazing young man and I think I like him very much. His father doesn’t hug well either, that is if you ever get a hug out of him. I have watched with interest my best friend and I can say he has a tender heart but a fearful heart unwilling to open up again. Sad. Very sad. (digressing again, something I do!) My visit with my friend Kathy should be, will be, absolutely will be fun and exciting and will take the edge off my life. An edge that is getting sharper by the minute. I think I shall stay longer if I can! I need to mellow out and Kathy’s is the perfect place to mellow.


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