What is to be done when your head and heart are at odds over love? My grandmother once told me to always go with what was in my heart. I can’t count the times she said: “Listen to your heart, your heart will never fail you.” I’m sure she meant well but, isn’t it Shakespeare who said “Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind” suggesting (to me) falling in love whilst paying attention to what our heads are telling us has the advantage. Of course we need to like what we see but to limit it to the physical and/or the emotional only might be one of the leading causes of divorce. It’s like switch and bait! It’s like confusing a fair-weather friend with a true-blue, bail you out of jail, got your back long-lasting friend. Oh, we like what we see and our hearts beat wildly and our minds go blank of all reason. We quote song lyrics and write bad poetry and our blinders go on and our minds get foggy.
So when s/he does something suspicious we choose not to notice and suffer the result of getting our hearts ripped out of our chest every time. I know I’ve been in love before and if I remember correctly I owned a very a nice pair of rose-colored glasses at the time. Had I paid closer attention during this swoon and spoon phase I would have run away faster than Maggie Carpenter in Run Away Bride! But, I didn’t and I let my heart go wild in anticipation, which was, by the way, not based on one thin thread of reality. Why was this?
One reason was that my heart wanted what my heart wanted. And even though the voice of reason inside my head was sensible and discerning and should have gotten my attention my heart squashed it like a bad bug. My heart wanted what my heart wanted even if it was neither prudent or logical. And trust me, at the time it wasn’t! I think we are all like this to one degree or another. Until we are no longer so inclined to omit what our head (our mind) is telling us this is. For myself, I am no longer a non-discerning heart throbbing romantic slob. And I am proud member of the Wise Old Gal Division of the Swoon and Spoon Love Club.
So, what has happened? What changed? I believe it is the factor of age and experience into the mix of things. Plus, I no longer own that pair of rose-colored glasses, tossed out with the garbage years ago. My mind is so totally in charge my heart hears and obeys even thought, at present, it is breaking into a multi-fragmented pile of emotional sludge and I have shut down emotionally to deal with the hours and days of life as I know it.
But, I can deal with it. I have listened to my head and it’s wise counsel and acknowledged my aching heart. And being capable of this is in and of itself a treasured blessing. And even though I wish things were different I focus on the positive and realize how extraordinary it is to have the things I do have, my friends, even the one I love has remained a friend to me, my family and my work. Lovely and valued relationships with people who make my world a worthwhile place to be are my greatest blessings.
So if you are feeling worthless. If you are suffering my heart goes out to you. Another thing my grandmother always said, time and time again was: “And this too shall pass”. And it will. I know it will.