I did say I’d be fine if ‘he’ changed his mind. I’d cry. I’d … basically … move on, right? Well, he did or I did (whatever) . . . okay, so we both did but I have not cried (yet) and I don’t think I will. I am in a quandary though. Where to live. What to drive. Work? (we won’t go there now! OMG: where to work) Basically, all the what to-dos and where to do them is giving me grief. I am sure in a couple of days my stomach will feel like … you know queasy … and my eyes will fill up with tears but today I am dealing with the real challenge of daily existence, daily substance and daily life (in general) so I can ‘move on’ so to speak.
I never planned on being in this position. The friendship was to be the only bond between us. We mixed it up! And we never should have ‘gone there’……..actually he went there and he should not have if he was not in it for real! Men. What can I say.
Of course, putting my hand up (literally) in front of my face and saying: “Stop, think, are you sure” might have saved us from this place we are in. But, NO willingly I went with high expectations for a future filled with laughter and commonality (we are perfect together) and true friendship as our footing.
You know what I feel is a good basis of a ‘real and honest’ relationship : I will tell you : the four corners holding up the foundation are (1) respect for each other (2) acceptance of each other (3) being best friends of each other (4) fearlessly willing to commit to each other (staying the course!); and the foundation is unconditional love. If one of these is missing then everything will crumble. It always does.
So, there you have it. I am fine though. Weirdly fine. I just have to make some plans and . . . you know . . . live them . . . and buy a big bottle of wine place a long straw into it and suck!