Have you ever been sucked in – spit out – then sucked right back in again at the sound of “his” voice? You know the voice — the one that makes your head swirl and heart jump. You never intended the road to love to be so rocky. You begin to make excuses for his behavior as you kept trying to kindle and rekindle. But over time the joy turns to frustration. And if the suckering you back in thing goes on too many times you lose all boundaries to a good relationship. A right as rain relationship. This is where I have landed myself!
When it becomes apparent to ‘all family and friends’ that some of your marbles have gone missing, they intervene in a big way; your well-meaning friends tell you your elevator is skipping a few doors reaching the top floor, in fact they tell you that you’re a few bricks shy of a full stack! Okay, all puns aside, when it becomes painfully apparent to everyone, even you, that you are in a rather pathetic state it is time for a reality check. This is where I am right now.
Over the past several years I have been sucked in and let go so many times by the same man I have actually lost count. Each time I say: I’m not doing this! Then, I do. I can’t seem to help myself. Love has a funny way of making ‘wrongs’ into ‘rights’ and all he ever
has had to say was “I love you” and it all started all over again. This has gone on for years, a fact I am embarrassed to admit. The thing is: each time he let go for a while the thread holding my affections weakened. And each time during the silent periods my discerning mind became more operational. Sad news for Mr. Win, I’m sure but this is true. I got stronger each time the silence came until finally the silence bothered me no more.
How can it bother me now? After all, we were to the point of his being my date for my daughter’s wedding — but then the wedding came during one of his ‘silences” — but that was the year before my grandson was born. My grandson just turned five last year. I think I’ve given this relationship enough time, don’t you?
So, I’m starting the new year as right as rain. 2013 should be a very good year. At least it will not suffer from ‘silence’ as my plans don’t include anything or any one that shifts my bricks out of whack!