facts of life of my earthly existence

Facts of life:

  • Even having one leaf on the driveway will drive my mother crazy until it is sweep up so I might as well run out there straight away and sweep.
  • The Ozarks is the most friendly place on the planet — and it’s no use arguing with me about this little observation of life.
  • Growing Herbs benefits mind, body and purse — they are a beautiful and useful part of my life.
  • Eating any Tomato not picked directly off the vine in my own garden is not worth my time.
  • I do not have to be married to be happy — but it would be nice to be married to an equally avid gardener.
  • My children will disappoint — and I’ll get over it and love them in-spite of the disappointment.
  • Planting flowers in-amongst my vegetables in the garden makes me relax when gardening.
  • Creating a quilt, start to finish, actually stresses me out but I love the feel and warmth of the quilt on my legs when I lap quilt it in the Winter months.
  • The research for an outline is much more satisfying than the written paragraphs that follow — and I’m a much better editor than a writer.
  • The best part of being retired from a 9 to 5 is waking up naturally and not to an alarm clock — but —
  • Either way I wake — please pour me a cup of coffee before thou speak of leaves on the driveway!

 

 

 

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A POEM: A DAY IN MAY

excerpt from a poem: A DAY IN MAY

The room tilted — scream
I was only thirty-three
Nearly sure it was a dream;
I thought: how can this be?

I have children — two to raise

I shouldn’t be here listening to this!
Stop, you are trying to erase my days
and you are making my eyes mist, I tell you mist!

Years later I often think of this day;

It was so long ago but never far
from memory — that cool day in May.
The day I heard the word — cancer. . .

(excerpt from a collection of poems written by Mary Louise Wehunt)

 

 

 

Hey Duuuuude Chill!

When my tranquility abruptly ends I am usually dealing with an under-appreciated (because Mum thinks I should appreciate and snap to) disturbance in the form of a personage which stands about five feet three inches tall and who will soon turn eighty-eight years of age, this is if my daughter and I let her make it to her birthday.  Last week my daughter had a dream in which she shoved a peach into her grandmothers face …. because (1) the dream upset my daughter so much and (2) because she felt the need to share her dream with me, I felt obligated to reminded her that a dream is only DE-fraging ones mind and that shoving a peach into her grandmother’s face is nothing she would actually do. But, now each time mother gets ‘testy’ which she does quite often these days my daughter and I let the dream serves another purpose, which is comic relief in the form of verbally speaking out of one word — PEACHES — and then we simply go about our business as if nothing was spoken, but with a smile on our face and sometimes the tiniest of a chuckle. Mother is none-the-wiser.

My mother is elderly and in poor health but improving in gait and stamina (even attitude) each day, now that we insist she be challenged physically by doing for herself. The more she does for herself — the more she improves — the more she improves — the better quality of life she has and the better her attitude. WE are so very aware the end of her days is coming sooner than later but our wish is for her to have enjoyment, comfort, independence and as much well-being as humanly possible from now until then. Given her congestive heart failure (CHF)diagnosis I know it is a challenge for her to make her bed, dust her dresser, pour her own cup of coffee and sometimes I do these (and other) things for her. I do a lot, actually as does my daughters and my sons, as well as the older great-grandchildren, but what we do not do is to enable her to be sedentary and wallow/willow away. We love her to much to allow that; so, . . . when Ms. Ugly rears up and goes into disturbance mode I just take a chill pill in the form of one word: PEACHES!

Are you dealing with the care of an elderly parent? Like my family have you opted to keep your elder at home during their final days? A lot of families make the decision to move an elderly parent in with them, providing comfort, instead if placing a parent into a nursing home when it is apparent that the parent can no longer live independently in the parents own home.  Perhaps, you have noticed during your visits to your parent’s home that your parent is beginning to need help with normal daily activities, (i.e. bathing/dressing/cooking/cleaning) and perhaps you have issues of concern for your parent’s safety (i.e. forgetting to turn off the stove burners or oven).  Some of you may find it difficult to approach the subject with your elderly parent especially if you have ever had to relieve your parent of their car keys, as I had to do with my Dad. I was not excited to have the next conversation with my Dad about the stove needing to be off limits to him (Microwave–yes; stove/oven–NO!) but it was a conversation that had to happen for his own safety and that of his lovely home us kids wished to remain standing.

If you are dealing with this issue: you are in my prayers (prayer is the most powerful thing I have) and feel free to borrow PEACHES, if you are so inclined.

Here are a few organizations which provide some beneficial information for all of us.

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Training for Family Caregivers

Community-based resources may offer training and classes for family caregivers. Such resources may include: your local hospital; home care agencies; Area Agency on Aging, voluntary health agencies, and county and state departments of health.

American Red Cross has developed training programs for family caregivers. You will need to check with your local chapter to find out if there are classes in your area.

NFCA has developed an educational workshop to teach family caregivers to communicate more effectively with healthcare professionals. Check out the NFCA Website to find out if there are workshops scheduled in your community.

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Caring for Elders

Vital information and possible support services for the elderly can be obtained by contacting your local county office of senior services or elder affairs as well as your local social service department. Area adult daycare centers may also provide information on resources for the elderly in your area. These numbers can be located in the governmental pages of the phone book or through a web query.

AARP supplies information about caregiving, long-term care and aging, including publications and audio-visual aids for caregivers.

What does a grown daughter say to her dad when he’s hit a light pole with the car? How does an adult son ask his mom if she’s taking her medications like she should? And how do siblings approach their parents about needing more help at home? These issues can challenge even the family where communication is free and open. Talking sooner is better than waiting until a crisis has occurred. That’s what the “40-70 Rule” is all about. This advice is designed to help adult children and their aging parents deal with those sensitive topics that often make conversations difficult. The idea is that if you’re 40, or your parents are 70, it’s time to start talking about the issues of aging.

Geriatric care managers (GCMs) are health care professionals, most often social workers, who help families in dealing with the problems and challenges associated with caring for the elderly. This national organization will refer family caregivers to their state chapters, which in turn can provide the names of GCMs in your area. This information is also available online.

The Administration on Aging is the official federal agency dedicated to the delivery of supportive home and community-based services to older individuals and their caregivers. The AoA Website has a special section on family caregiving.

For more specific/topic information and web sites feel free to check out:

https://www.thefamilycaregiver.org/caregiving_resources/agencies_and_organizations.cfm

The Passing of a favorite aunt

RIP: My sweet dear Aunt Runt (Capps-Aulman) who passed away this morning after a battle with infection that caused coma and then a heart attack…she is 94 and in a better place….we’ll all miss her because she was such a bright star in the family. She was a beauty shop owner and ran two for over thirty years and one of the best of the best hair stylists in the business. She stopped cutting hair nearly twenty years ago but continued to keep up with the industry and talked about hair styles non-stop! Love you Aunt Ruth … Winds At Your Back Old Girl :)

Hum — something to consider before . . .

@

 

If Nothing Else A Woman is Flexible: I spent years feeling guilty about throwing darts at an outline of my ex-husband I drew on our garage wall. I can still see the puzzled look on his face when I asked him to stand against the wall and then even a deeper puzzled look when I began to draw an outline his head with coloured chalk. I thanked him and as he turned to leave the garage (for the last time) he turned back with his puppy dog eyes waiting for ‘understanding and acceptance’ but instead of receiving any he watched in startled disbelief as I picked up a few darts from the workbench where he’d left them and tossed then one by one at the outline on the garage wall. I think his jaw dropped a little. Was this really the dear wife he knew? I patted my hands together as if dusting chalk off, turned and said: “thank you” then turned and walked back into the house. Pamela was in kindergarten and Lisa was in Second grade and at that moment in time I think if I knew for sure I would not have been charged with a crime I would have tossed those darts at his head, not at an outline of it.  I think he got the message loud and clear that his angel, if needed, knew how to ride a broomstick and right then I needed.  But, like I said earlier, I spent years feeling really awful about what I’d done. Justified or not justified it was a wrong thing to do. My wings were broken for sure and for certain but that experience made me feel foolish, childish and out of control, so much so that I never stooped that low again. 

 

When life hands you spoiled lemons remember they still can freshen a garbage disposal!

 

Something good always comes out of something bad. I am living proof that it does.  So, don’t despair and don’t pick up darts (for Pete’s Sake!) if someone you have trusted for many years disappoints. Wings mend, honest.  

Being Sick Sucks!

A — Slow — Recovery is what I have. It is not my preferred recovery. I like the ones that you quickly spring back to life and are thankful that twenty-four hours is over. This is different. This will take longer and I know it. And, I don’t like it.  There are lots of reason not to, actually. The garden for one:  “Don’t worry about the garden, we’ll take care of the garden” — It is overgrown with weeds! Thanks kids. The house looks like I’m living at Auntie Mae’s which, trust me on this, is not a good thing. And the microwave and refrigerator insides needs a cleaning, which makes me wonder why, if you would not cook in a dirty pan, why would you heat something in a dirty microwave or store it in a dirty refrigerator. This makes zero sense to me.

Now, what has gotten me on this rant? The trash, that’s what. For the third straight week it was not taken to the curb. It is now beginning to be stinky. I’m loosing my patience with adult children, even an adult grandchild, and I am ready to get better so that at my age I can manage to keep things tidy, clean and in order.

You would think that by example somethings would be learned by your children and not need any — daily and weekly — reminders of things that need doing.  end of rant.

 

and then . . . he got up in my face

She sat on the edge of the bed, tears spilling from her eyes explaining to me how much she regretted calling the police. I listened intently to her story and realized she lacked clarity about her situation — of non-violent and violent abuse — and to come to terms with all that had transpired over the last several days she, above all else, needed some clarity.

The details were not uncommon. I’d heard them before and as usual the actions remained the same, only the names were changed.

“The rent money is gone” she continued. Spent at the local pub on several shots dropped into a glass of draft-pulled beer.

“I went to the pub” she said “and I took the beer in front of him and dumped it out and without saying a word walked out to my car.” Then he had followed her, approaching the vehicle with angry intent to settle things. She swiftly pulled away and drove to a connivence store and bought a bottle of water and sat in the parking lot for several minutes before returning to the apartment they shared.

“He’d left his door key so he broke in the door. He shattered the door jamb and now I can’t lock my door. Then he threw my grandmother’s pretty glass bowl into the glass coffee table and shattered both of them” she continued.

“After that I was afraid and called the police but before they came and took my statement he ran off; they found him and took him into custody; now I feel so bad about putting him in jail” she said.

“I didn’t know what I was doing. The officer used a lot of big words I didn’t understand and he told me to sign here and I did but I didn’t know I was signing to put him in jail!”

“How could I do this to someone I love” she said.

She explained about the bonding process and the court appearances to come and it seemed the only thing she wanted to do was to make her mistake go away.

This situation is not uncommon. Most women who find themselves in abusive relationships take on a feeling of self-doubt and guilt after such an incidence as described here. Think of it as having an emotional bank account you keep making withdrawals from without ever making deposits leaving you, over time substantially overdrawn. Each time you rest the guilt of another’s abuse towards you squarely back on your own shoulders you make a withdrawal from your emotional bank account. Finding your way back to a positive emotional cash-flow takes extreme measures to relearn your self-worth. And, I tell you, you are worth it. But, it does take time and inner strength to accomplish. Emotional health is worth all the effort put forth to attain it.

If you take nothing from this post please take away this: You are worthy of respect, self-respect and the respect of others.

Be willing to say to those you love — and this means everyone you love i.e. your friends, your spouse, even your children — that you are unwilling to endure any abuse whatsoever. And, say it to yourself first! Go ahead, stand in front of the mirror and say it to yourself, out loud, and daily until your mind and heart is accepting of this one thing, which should become the core of who you are. You are a woman who respects herself vastly and does not appreciate, nor will take abuse.

I remember when I was marring my second husband he asked me, as most men will do, what it was I wanted most of all. I told him I wanted him to understand that I was fine before I met him and I’d be fine if things did not work out. I’d be sad but I’d be fine. And I told him that I loved myself too much to live with any form of abuse, verbal or otherwise. I said it in such a loving way too. You don’t need to be abrupt or ugly about these things you simply need to let someone you love know that they can’t hurt you, you will not stand for it.

Will the young woman heed the advice I gave her?

Only time will tell but I can tell you she is very smart, and even given last nights events does has a positive-cash-flow in her emotional bank account. I’m sure she will find an appropriate way to express her concerns with her young man whom, at present, is feeling a bit ridiculous, as he should. And, I’m sure when she suggest to him he gain some insight into his behavior of last evening (which I understood to be a first time occurrence, so let us not banish him yet) and become, again, one of the good guys he will embrace her request with an open mind and an open heart.

Will this repeat itself? It is possible. It is also possible that this is a one time and only time she’ll ever need to witness this behavior. She’ll keep me posted over the next six months and I’ll keep you posted, if indeed, any post is necessary.

Oh, come on, you know you’re interested :0)