Self-Centered People ~~~ and other things I can not stand

I have never passed by a donuts shop without stopping in. There you have it, my secret guilty pleasure. The aroma of the freshly baked goods ~~~ Awe — mouth watering anticipation of what’s to travel from pallet to tummy . . . except for one thing “”I really don’t like donuts!””

There I’ve said it: I don’t actually like donuts. I just like the way they smell and the way they look. What I do like is the toppings ;) But then again, my blood sugar level rises to above what’s normal just smelling them, so I don’t eat them, I just look at them and wish I could eat them and be like the tiny train who tried its best to huff and puff its way to the top of the hill. Oh wait, the little train made it to the top, didn’t it? A better analogy, and one that just came to mind, is the fact that all donuts lack a center, which, in turn means I can think of all donuts as being non-self-centered culinary delights. I like this being that I don’t care much for self-centered peoples so why would I care to have self-centered donuts?  Just sayin’ folks, there is something to be said for the donuts lacking a center.

This brings me, in a round-about-way, to people who are self-centered. I don’t like them. And it goes beyond simply not liking them. I detest self-centered peoples for their arrogance and lack common courtesy, and I avoid them at all costs. When faced with an encounter with someone who is not genuinely considerate of others I leave them with polite banter as I walk away hoping they will not notice what I truly think of them.  (sadly, what is written on my face always gives me away, if these folks were to notice in the first place which is unlikely because they usually are so . . . ) But, as I leave them in my dust hoping for fresher air to breathe I’m always worried that I’ve been thoughtless. I mean I don’t want to appear to be thoughtless. I just want to breathe fresher air!

This brings me to another thought: That of being judgmental of others. I don’t like to judge. It’s not my place to put my shoes on some one else’s feet! In other words I can’t expect — y-o-u — to be like me for me to accept and to like you and to include you into my tiny cycle of friends. Ask any of my friends and they will all tell you that we are all different but bonded by our friendships which keeps us together and growing strong because we genuinely care about the other person. And we do not judge the other person either for misguided paths — usually romantic paths — we may take. We are friends of acceptance, understanding, compassion, laughter (even through tears) who openly share our hopes and dreams with each other. And we have each other’s backs!

This brings me to yet another thought: This year, when the prospect of romance took me down an unrighteous path it was my friends who kindly helped me understand the impending inferno.  Whew, close call. Thanks to those who had my back ;) — I mean, T-H-A-N-K  Y-O-U big time because all us gals know how self-centered men can ruin a genuine woman’s life with his words . . . it’s like he knew exactly what to say and when to say and do things . . . and actions. My Someone turned out to be something else than My Wonderful. Of course, he also turned out to be married (LOL) and a father too. And, all the plans he’d made with me had to be cancelled after I found him OUT!

Wiser. Stronger. Older (ugh). Still wishing I could have it all but realizing having it all isn’t actually possible. At least I’m not self-center, Y’all!!

Things to do on a sunny day

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Okay….I agree, this is not funny and no one would actually do this. Right?

The other things no one would ever do on a sunny day are:

  • tie the new puppy to a park bench and quickly skedaddle away — note pinned, “free to good home”! 
  • fill a box full of toads, wrap it up with pretty pink ribbon, then present it to your mother.
  • put two helpless goldfish into the Culligan water cooler.
  • plant Cannabis in the middle of the vegetable garden!
  • use shingles as a Frisbee — sailing them from a roof top into the street below.
  • have a peeing contest — outside of course — to see who can hit ‘the spot’ in the neighbor’s yard. 

No one would do these things, right? No one, that is, except my twins, who on any given sunny day were full of surprises. The twins, whom I let live, turned 30 this past year.  

Let me just say for clarity that when these things happened I was at work, earning the money for the clothes on their backs and the food on their tables. They should have been more thankful but kids will be kids, or is it boys will be boys . . . whatever, Martha! They were a mess growing up but they were also so lovely and dear sweet little ones too. I often wondered if I did the best job I could do with them. Then today came a note, a thank you note, from one of my twins for a present I gave him not too long ago.

“Mom, thank you so much for my socks and the thermos,
the thermos keeps my coffee hot until the end of the day,
but your love fills my soul a whole lot more than any gift!
Your love will always be in my heart Mom!!! Love you, Kevin” 

And my heart melted — I may not have always done things perfectly — I may have spent too much time on case files and pleadings at a time when they needed my undivided attention — I may have spent too much time with my writing, as well — but in-spite of any motherly imperfections, my kid loves me! 

facts of life of my earthly existence

Facts of life:

  • Even having one leaf on the driveway will drive my mother crazy until it is sweep up so I might as well run out there straight away and sweep.
  • The Ozarks is the most friendly place on the planet — and it’s no use arguing with me about this little observation of life.
  • Growing Herbs benefits mind, body and purse — they are a beautiful and useful part of my life.
  • Eating any Tomato not picked directly off the vine in my own garden is not worth my time.
  • I do not have to be married to be happy — but it would be nice to be married to an equally avid gardener.
  • My children will disappoint — and I’ll get over it and love them in-spite of the disappointment.
  • Planting flowers in-amongst my vegetables in the garden makes me relax when gardening.
  • Creating a quilt, start to finish, actually stresses me out but I love the feel and warmth of the quilt on my legs when I lap quilt it in the Winter months.
  • The research for an outline is much more satisfying than the written paragraphs that follow — and I’m a much better editor than a writer.
  • The best part of being retired from a 9 to 5 is waking up naturally and not to an alarm clock — but —
  • Either way I wake — please pour me a cup of coffee before thou speak of leaves on the driveway!

 

 

 

Equality of Motherhood, Home & Hearth & Career (i.e. the 1% vs. 99%)

 

If 9 times out of 10 children get their awesomeness from their mother, then on a scale of 1 to 100, 99% of children get their awesomeness from their Moms and 1% get their awesomeness from their Dads. There we go again with the 1% versus the 99%!

Of course, there is another take on 1% vs. 99% but it has nothing to do with the cuteness of kids.

  • 1% earns a higher income for the exact same work/job done by the 99%.
  • 1% puts the “final” stamp of approval on nearly all domestic decisions the 99% make.
  • 1% has a larger retirement account 99% of the time than do the 99%.

This leads me to the question of the century: Equality — how do we obtain it and how do we maintain it?

Since the late 1960’s I have witnessed the fight for equal pay in the workforce creep along at a snail’s pace. And although I am pleased with the progress women have made during the past fifty years, it surprises me that there is continued discrepancy. In the 2000’s I retired but before doing so I trained my replacement. Being privy to the company’s financial information I noticed that my replacement, certainly well educated, licensed and qualified to replace me, had a new hire income at a much higher percentage than I’d expected to see. I also noticed another perk he would enjoy every week during little league baseball season which left me speechless. Now let me say, and make it clear, that I admire anyone willing to coach a little league team for it is an awesome thing to do but having paid time off from work for doing so didn’t sit well with me.  I thought about all the Dads (and Moms) without such a generous employer benefit breaking a sweat as they rushed onto the field after work in time to coach. Before you leave me a comment, i.e. sour grapes, let me say I did not coach little league; I did not need any “paid perks” and never asked for any. It simply struck me odd that my replacement, with the same qualifications as me, was beginning employment with a package that seemed, to me, exceptionally less equal to the one I enjoyed.

It is not in my nature to be combative but is in my nature to be diplomatic so when opportunity presented itself I didn’t back away. That opportunity came when my boss commented to me: “of course you noticed the new hire salary”. Umm – I cook the books – bake the payroll – save your ass from regulatory boards – so, “yes Sir, of course I did” and I went into diplomacy mode.

This is what I learned: One, my replacement valued himself and asked to be valued in return because (1) education, (2) experience and, (3) he was, according my Mr. Boss, providing for a family. By the way, providing for a family is a small item left out during most 99%’er’s negotiations because 99%’ers assume it is not important to mention. It is! Letting Mr. Boss know your salary requirements are based on providing for a family is a smart negotiating point to make.  Two, he negotiated a better package by agreeing to give something back, in his case it was to offset time away during little league season by working an as needed Saturday morning. But, if my replacement was as good as I was at finishing tasks under budget and on time, and I had every indication he was that good, this as needed Saturday morning would never come to fruition which in turn meant he had made himself one sweet deal. How was he able to do this? He exercised his 1% advantage the 99% (me) never do and the 1% sitting across the bargaining table from him didn’t want to look like a slouch to another 1%’er.  So, my replacement (the 1%’er) began employment with more pay, less hours (during little league season) and a designated parking space which was being sectioned off with yellow stripes as I pulled out the lot on my last day!

I know you are dying to know: How much more pay? The answer is: Substantial – it was a significant 20% more, at the same age as me (give or take a few months) with nearly carbon copy qualifications (I graduated on the west coast on him on the east coast way back in the day).

On the home-front equality is muddled by the relationship one is in. Some work better than others as far as a balance in equality. But, most still have a traditional imbalance. By this I mean that when I was married we agreed to a set amount we could spend without approval of the other. My husband was more or less willing to abide by this rule but his 1% got the most of him most of the time and he simply needed to that final approval in all things non-related to the grocery store. So I’d work hard to find a good deal on – say a vacuum cleaner, which I might add I solely used – something needed to run the household but was under our agreed to amount to spend and still feel required to wait for his final approval. Talk about driving me crazy.  The need of my 1%’er to have the final say was a major factor in his not remaining my 1%’er.  1%’ers beware.

In the few instances I am aware of, which are few-few-few, our 1%’ers have the larger retirement fund. Reread the paragraphs about equal pay. This is a no brainer to the 99%’ers out there like me.

Equality is a fundamental right for the happiness, well being, health and success of all women.

 

A POEM: A DAY IN MAY

excerpt from a poem: A DAY IN MAY

The room tilted — scream
I was only thirty-three
Nearly sure it was a dream;
I thought: how can this be?

I have children — two to raise

I shouldn’t be here listening to this!
Stop, you are trying to erase my days
and you are making my eyes mist, I tell you mist!

Years later I often think of this day;

It was so long ago but never far
from memory — that cool day in May.
The day I heard the word — cancer. . .

(excerpt from a collection of poems written by Mary Louise Wehunt)

 

 

 

Being Sick Sucks!

A — Slow — Recovery is what I have. It is not my preferred recovery. I like the ones that you quickly spring back to life and are thankful that twenty-four hours is over. This is different. This will take longer and I know it. And, I don’t like it.  There are lots of reason not to, actually. The garden for one:  “Don’t worry about the garden, we’ll take care of the garden” — It is overgrown with weeds! Thanks kids. The house looks like I’m living at Auntie Mae’s which, trust me on this, is not a good thing. And the microwave and refrigerator insides needs a cleaning, which makes me wonder why, if you would not cook in a dirty pan, why would you heat something in a dirty microwave or store it in a dirty refrigerator. This makes zero sense to me.

Now, what has gotten me on this rant? The trash, that’s what. For the third straight week it was not taken to the curb. It is now beginning to be stinky. I’m loosing my patience with adult children, even an adult grandchild, and I am ready to get better so that at my age I can manage to keep things tidy, clean and in order.

You would think that by example somethings would be learned by your children and not need any — daily and weekly — reminders of things that need doing.  end of rant.